Culture Yourself

Helection Season

It feels like I've been watching elections for the past two years. From Brexit to the US presidential nominations and elections and now the Kenyan nominations and upcoming elections, it is never-ending. As I've mentioned before, I'm tired of the Kenyan elections. Yes, I know I was the one calling it the pièce de résistance, but these politicians are really trying it this year. 

We only have a few days till we see who the next president, deputy president, senator, governor, etcetera, etcetera will be. Instead of ranting and raving about the actions of wild politicians and the people who support them. I'm going to salvage the remnants of my sanity and do an election recap using songs and lyrics fitting to the occasion. 

Here goes nothing. 

1) Who Do You Love - YG

Every election is basically candidates asking the electorate who they love. In Kenya, the same parties rebrand themselves with new names, new alliances, and new faces. The beginning of this song made me think of how presidential candidates come out and tell us how they did x, y, and z, and therefore deserve our votes. Instead of Uhuru rapping "I'm the n* with the plugs." Imagine him saying "I'm the n* with the SGR."

2)Loyal - Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne & Tyga

I'm pretty sure when Chris Brown et al. wrote this song, they did not think it would relate to Kenyan politics in the way I am about to make it. While it is disrespectful towards women, it fits Kenyan politicians oh so well.

There are so many politicians that jumped ship from the losing party after they lost or switched teams because they did not get their agreed upon terms, but hey that's just politics. It's always shocking when you see someone who was in the coalition that won the last election now in the coalition that lost.

As the political version of the song goes, "when the winning party wants you, and your party can't do nothing for you, ooooh these politicians ain't loyal."

3)Do Like That - Korede Bello

Who remembers party nominations?


No one?

It's okay, I will remember it for you! They definitely brought out a different side of the parties and politicians. Many were left asking "why you gon do like that? why you gon keep that ting from me?" Especially after they did not receive nominations they won or claim to have won. 

4)Bad - Tiwa Savage feat. Wizkid

This song can describe so many situations but we'll stick to the nominations. Politicians were not only shown fire by their parties, they were also shown fire by the very people that elected them.

For starters, the electorate told incumbent politicians during the nominations "yeah, I'm coming to cause trouble. You don't like me unfollow."

Some of these politicians did not want to roll with the electorate, so they were shown the door. In counties where the incumbents were defeated, the electorate was badder than bad for firing non-perfomers. While the politicians were told to leave because they were badder than bad.

5)Fashion Week - Wale feat. G-Eazy

As soon as nominations were done, the Kenyan political scene became fashion week. The politicians were the models, showing off their "new" political outfits and their "new" recycled ideas. The campaigns were them basically modeling for us. I will admit that this song is a little bit of a stretch but I had to include it because it's a jam. Also because Wale is one of the most underrated rappers. 

6)If - Davido

Manifesto launches in Kenya became so extra this election season. How does a dude announce his bid for a seat he is running for in 2022, while at his gubernatorial manifesto launch?  

Finish this election season first and see if you make it to 2022.

Manifesto season was politicians just lying to Kenyans and singing " If I tell you say I love you oh, my money, my body, na your own baby."

While they are trying to look selfless they are giving voters a lot of ifs. If I am in office. If I am elected, money and Prada will fall on you. If my government, blah, blah, blah.

We all know it's going to end in thirty billion in their accounts. 

7)Leg Over - Mr. Eazi

Kenya is pretty new to this democracy thing. We're still trying to get the hang of it and this includes how to do debates. You know small things like actually showing up for the debates stop us from fully actualizing our potential. Watching some of these debates it is very easy to see that some of the candidates are doing for us leg over. They have confused us with their big words and unsubstantiated claims and we're actually buying it. As long as they give some of us our portion, we are fine with being played. 

8)No Heart - 21 Savage 

This song is specifically for the president of Kenya.

Never have truer words been rapped than when Mr. Savage said: "young savage why you trapping so hard?"

While the president is more of an old savage we can't leave him off this list. He has obviously been politicking way too hard because he decided to skip the presidential debates since he thought they were a waste of time. He has no heart and I have no words to try and understand his arrogance. 

9)No Frauds - Nicki Minaj feat. Drake & Lil Wayne

I don't think Kenyans knows what free, fair and credible elections mean. Not that we don't understand them, we just don't know how to execute it.

Actually, I take that back, the powers to be in the so-called cartels rob us of free, fair and credible elections. This years election has already come under scrutiny with the opposition leader, Raila Odinga a.ka. Baba, claiming there are plans to use the army to help in election rigging.

For many people Baba is the boy that cried wolf but he had some pretty strong evidence even though the Kenya Defence Forces refuted the documents and said they had merely been taken out of context.

On top of that, the IEBC has faced problem after problem. From ballot paper printing to the ICT manager going missing this past Friday, it has been a pretty rough election season for the commission.

The police have also come under fire following the recent attack on the deputy president's house. I don't know about you but something doesn't smell right. As Nicki sing-raps, " I don't need no frauds, I don't need no drama when you call. I don't need no fake."

To the cartels that be, we're on to you. As the song goes "soon as I wake up, keep an eye out for the snakes."

10)Humble - Kendrick Lamar

To all the political candidates and politicians. I have some advice from young master Kendrick and I want you to take these words with you wherever you go.

Remember them when you forget the people who gave you all your powers.

Remember them when times are tough.

Remember them when you try to dodge your constituents.

Just remember them all the time.

Congregants, let us turn to song 8. on the album of Damn. As Mr. Lamar says "Hold up, bitch. Sit down. Hold up, little bitch. Hold up, little bitch. Be Humble!"